An Open Letter To My Ex-Boyfriend

This letter is a closure, something through which I want to leave a good memory of you because, after the breakup, I was angry and hurt. Now after spending some time alone, grieving and getting over you, I’m not angry anymore and only the sweet memories we shared are what remains. I forgot about all the bad because it was partly my fault, and whatever that happened, I know you meant good, you always did. 

I know it was partly my fault, I wasn't accepting myself when I was with you, thinking that you'll give me that acceptance, that maybe if I saw how much you love me, I might then start loving myself. I was looking in the wrong place. all I wanted to hear was how much you loved me and missed me and I didn't care about anything else, your own needs, the life around us...

I don't want to remember how dull my life was before you came into it. You changed me and made me want to change my life for the best. You’ve been always a great example for me to follow with your endless kindness and gentleness, not only with me but also with everyone else. You taught me how to help people, respect them and be kind to them no matter what. 

You taught me how to love truly and unconditionally. 
You were quite patient with me, forgiving me each time I hurt you. You showed me how a girl should be treated with your endless respect and acceptance. You saw me beautiful when I didn’t see myself that way, you saw in me a wonderful person I never knew I could be. 

By moving on, you didn’t merely leave me but you took my dreams and fantasies with you too. You took the house we were going to live together in, you took the moments we were yet to live. It was like coming home and finding out that a bomb not only wiped the one you love but destroyed your cherished possessions, too.

Even though we’re not together anymore, at night, when I can't sleep, I miss you. I feel most lonely and I feel like I'm missing a part of me, the part that used to make me feel complete, happy and safe. I feel half of a person now without you in my life. That embrace of yours used to take away all the pain and stressing of my life, it felt like home, a home I never knew I could have. Now each time I see your picture, I feel like I know exactly what would it feel like if I kissed you or hugged you. It all feels familiar to me, a good familiar, a familiar you can't get enough of no matter how many lives I'll spend in your embrace. I'm only wishing someone can take your place and make me forget all those wrong-yet-it-feels-good feelings I feel when I think of you.

But then let's be realistic, here’s something I have learned from reading self-help books

“When you break up with someone you loved and you keep fantasizing about that person, you’ll start to remember only the good memories and imagine how good your life would be were you still together now and married. You won’t be thinking of living through everyday annoyances such as the furnace breaking down or a quarrel over money or a dispute about the children, because these things never had the chance to develop. If there ever was anything about him or her that bothered you, you had long since modified your memory of it. And then you seem like you can’t have anyone who measures up to the one you lost. But how could someone measure up to that standard? No one can be as perfect as much polished, idealized memory. You can be married and dissatisfied with your mate because you keep comparing him or her with “the one who got away”, who of course, not only remembered as wonderful, but whose memory has been significantly improved.”

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