Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts

When dating a man, women often get caught in looking for signs and what they could possibly mean, even though those signs couldn’t, sometimes, be any clearer. They like to think of themselves as being the exception to the rule. And while every relationship is special, some signs have only one explanation. He’s just not that into you.

1. He’s Not Asking You Out 

I know that time has changed, that now, women and men are equal (almost), but when it comes to starting a relationship, men and women cease to be equal. When a man likes and wants a woman, he’ll ask her out. It has nothing to do with not having her phone number or being busy in his work or coming out of a difficult breakup or any of the other excuses women like to feed themselves when they like a man and think that they like them back. Trust me, if he wants you, he’ll find you and ask you out. If he doesn’t, then he’s just not that into you.
It’s important to let the man take action and start the relationship, he likes to feel in control. And who wants to be with someone that can’t find the courage to ask them out.

2 He’s Not Calling You

When someone is so into you, he’ll want to be with you every waken moment, and if he can’t he’ll want to talk to you, to call you. It’s easy to find excuses when someone you like doesn’t call you back or says that he’ll call you later and never does, or at least, not exactly when he says he’ll do. You might think to yourself that he’s too busy with his work, that he has simply forgotten. You have to know something, “When you like someone, they don’t just slip your mind”. No one is too busy to give a phone call. If he doesn’t call, then he simply chose not to call.

What’s important about a man calling especially when he says he will, is the expectations his promise builds, the hurtful thing about waiting and checking your phone every so often to see if he called. A simple phone call can mean way too much, it means that the person is always thinking about you and that he cares about you. And you deserve a phone call

3. He’s not dating you

Hanging out or seeing each other every other week when the distance isn’t that significant, wouldn’t be qualified as dating. No matter what excuses you keep fading yourself; this is better than nothing, he’s afraid of intimacy, we’re taking it slow… that still means that he isn’t that into you to date you officially. Believe me, if he cares enough, he’ll claim you his at the first opportunity.

4. He’s not having sex with you

If a man likes you, then he would want to kiss you and never take his hands off of you. Even if he doesn’t, to respect your wishes or any other obvious reason, he would still want to and it would show right on his face. So, if a man doesn’t look so hot for you, even if he says he loves you, then know that he isn’t that into you and that you’re like a friend to him.

5. He’s having sex with someone else

I know it’s not that easy to break a relationship for one mistake, or so you can think of it, but the truth is there’s no excuse for cheating; not problems, not you gaining some weight… There are many ways to solve and approach any problem that shows up and none of these ways include cheating. Keep in mind that cheating doesn’t happen accidentally, it’s the result of a planning and an execution.

6. He only wants to see you when he’s drunk

Some women think nothing wrong with being with someone who only wants to see them when he’s drunk. Some, especially, love the things their man says when he’s drunk. Well, you shouldn’t believe everything a man says when he’s drunk. Moreover, being constantly drunk has a lot to do with the way the man feels about himself when he’s troubled and has little self-esteem, they tend to drink more. And believe me, you don’t want to be with someone like that. You deserve an attentive and sober man.

7. He doesn’t want to marry you
The truth is, marriage had quite a bad publicity in those past decades. However, that never held people from getting married. If your man is bringing up every possible excuse about why he doesn’t believe in marriage whenever the subject is brought, then listen more closely, because he might be saying it outright, I don’t want to get married “to you”. Whatever bad experience he might have been through, when a man finds the love of his life, he would jump right away to claim you his forever. More importantly, never let anyone make you feel stupid for wanting to get married and if marriage is your wish, then the right man would do it for you.

8. He’s breaking up with you

If he breaks up with you and then starts calling all the time asking about you, or wants to hang out with you as friends but then you end up in his bed, then know that he isn’t that into you. Because someone who really wants you, after breaking up, he’ll be right by your door telling you how much he misses you and asking you to be back with him. Otherwise, he’s just feeling lonely.

Then deciding to go back together is up to you, but just keep in mind that the guy in front of you, is the same one who looked you in the eye and broke up with you telling you that he no longer needs you in his life.

9. He’s disappeared on you

When a guy disappears on you and never call you back, don’t start calling him asking him why he had done it or imagine excuses for him that made him do what he did. Simply, he wasn’t into you, but also he wasn’t man enough to break it to you. No answer is enough of an answer and the best thing you can do is to move on and never look back. “Sometimes you have to get closure all by yourself”

I know that you deserve to know why, but would anything he might say satisfy you, I doubt it. And does calling him back will change his mind, I highly doubt that.

10. He’s married (or has a girlfriend)

You can feed yourself all the excuses you want as for why it’s okay to date someone who isn’t available. He might be a good person, you’re in love, his wife is mean toward him… but that wouldn’t change the fact that you’re dating a married man and that can’t be right because, he’s being dishonest, he’s cheating on his wife, he has no regards for you and you’ll be helping a man cheat on his wife.

You’re better than that and you deserve much more than that, you deserve someone who’s available for you.

11. He’s a selfish jerk or a bully

One good rule to go by, is to ask yourself: is he making me happy? Because someone who’s really into you will want to do the things that make you happy. Now, he might be a good person with some good qualities, but if he treats you badly and bullies you, then he’s just not that good for you. No pressure can justify his yelling at you and no matter how fat you are, that doesn’t give him the right to point it out to you every now and then. Even if he’s not into your family and friends, he would make the effort to be nice if that means a lot to you.

Being told to get out of these relationships isn’t that easy to apply, but being told that you’re way better than those relationships, that’s where to start off. In any relationship, make sure you’re happy, that’s a good way to know if you’re with Mr right or not.

The book: He's just not that into you

When it comes to marriage, most women make the mistake of thinking about what their men and marriage can do for them instead of what they can do for their men. The result of this little emphasis on giving is unsatisfied needs for both women and men. What you give is what you get, that's why a woman who is yearning for a blissful marriage needs to, first, learn how to give.

Below is a list of some basic facts every woman should remind herself with:

1- Men want to feel appreciated for what they are and do.

2- Men love to hear that their woman is happy and that they are the source of this happiness.

3- Men love to be complimented and admired.

4- Men are grumpy when they’re tired and/or hungry, anything they say in such state is not to be taken seriously.

5- Men don’t like it when their woman talks about them behind their backs.

6- Men are not that “strong”; they get stressed and scared about things just like you do.

7- Men have dreams too, no matter if they sounded logical or not for you, don’t walk all over them.

8- Men want respect more than love.

9- Men want to be encouraged. They want you to be their cheerleader.

10- Men want to be asked for their opinion about something to do with the family.

11- Men do not emote pain and despair like women do, that doesn’t mean that they are not feeling anything. They suck it up and just try to get along in life in general and with women in particular. Women should not measure or interpret a man’s feelings based upon their own reactions.

12- Men aren’t perfect creatures. It is offensive and demoralizing to men when their women grab on to them and then want to remold them in their own image of the perfect man. It’s take it or leave it.

13- Men aren’t the enemy as it is pictured by the most negative beliefs of the women’s movement. Men are simple creatures who come from a woman, are nurtured, brought up by a woman, and yearn for the continued love, admiration, and approval from a woman. At the same time, this makes them vulnerable to their woman’s moods, criticisms, disappointments and rejections. So, appreciate the power and influence over your man and don’t misuse or abuse it.

14- Men are always showing their love for their women, it could be by getting up when the baby cries, or doing the dishes for you, or working extra hours to afford more for you and the family… just because one day (birthday, valentine's day...) wasn’t as perfect as you wish it to be, that doesn’t mean that the rest of the three hundred and sixty-five days of the year doesn’t count. And when their effort are ignored long enough, isn’t it inevitable that they’ll eventually stop?

15- Men are to be grateful for. Even with all the little problems that comes with marriage, still, some women out there don’t have men to support them and their kids. Be grateful that you have someone to care for and worry over.

16- Men want to be your priority. What most women forget is the outcome of caring for their husband and making time for them which is more pleasure and more peace. To have a loving connection with your husband will reduce your stress and add a dimension of shared joy.

17- Men don’t want to be in a position of feeling competitive with their children. Your child is a priority, but don’t forget that you have a husband before you have a child.

18- Men forgive just about anything when their women treat them well. They don’t hold on to grudges with the tenacity that most women do. So don’t worry about making the first move.

19- Men don’t like to be mothered by their women. They want to be your man, not your boy. So you don’t have to remind him, again and again, to get something done or to check up on him every now and then. Instead, admire him and acknowledge him.

20- Men aren’t asking that their women never have a negative opinion or a problem. But they would appreciate it if their women said what is on her mind and discussed the possibility of a solution without as much nagging, fussing, arguing, complaining, or whining.

21- Men are doers, only they need their women’s appreciation for what they do in order to be willing to do more and more.

22- Men live to make their women happy and cruelest thing a wife can do to a husband is to never be happy. Don’t forget that being happy is more an attitude than a reality.

23- Men often have an affair because something is missing in the marriage, and generally it isn’t sex. Often, the affair starts with a man feeling alone.

24- Men, generally, aren’t all that forthcoming about their feelings, at least not in the way women are. Yet, that never means that they don’t have feelings or that your hurtful words don’t get to them.

25- Men want to be their women’s hero. As you feed his belly, feed his ego too.

26- Men think, feel and communicate differently and they aren’t wrong for that. They are beautiful too in their own fix-it thinking way.

27- Men’s needs are more physical than emotional as opposed to women. Make it a point to take some of your time every day to connect with him intimately and you’ll see how willing he becomes to satisfy your own needs.

28- Men need your forgiveness. Men usually walk away from conflicts without hostile though. Women, on the other hand, tend to not forgive well, they never forget and they tend to bring up the past whenever she’s upset. Men are usually embarrassed enough on their own without their partners’ attack.

29- Men just don’t get the hints. If you want something, say it. It makes life easier.

30- Men want to express their feelings too. Listen to him and let him think and feel the way he wants. Don’t get defensive; take whatever your man says at face value. Women often tend to overanalyze men making them feel guilty for thinking and feeling the way they do.

31- Men are impressed by honesty, not manipulation (nagging, yelling, crying…)

32- Men love to solve their women’s problems, but they need ego strokes every now and then. Treat him like the expert and he’ll become one.

33- Men need their women’s support for their guy time. Spending time with his friends or doing the things he wants will make him a happier person. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you or that he doesn’t enjoy your company.

Women, try the following:

- Thank God every now and then for the qualities your husband has.

- Look for daily little ways to be a blessing for your husband (try to anticipate his needs, compliment him, give him a back rub…).

- Make time for him especially when he’s eager to make an intimate connection.

- Put a little love letter in his lunch box.

- Ask him about how his day went and listen attentively.

- Wake up with him and bring him coffee before work and hug him when he gets home.

- Try not to complain, nag and criticize as much throughout the day and see the difference.

- Never say anything hurtful to your man, even when you’re angry. He has feelings too.

- When you have a request, make it sincere, short and direct, then say it in a loving manner, at the end don’t forget to say “thank you”.

- Take good care of yourself and always present yourself to your man as an appealing woman.

I would love to hear other points of view. Have you had any contribution to the subject, leave it in the comments below. 

Men and women are generally unaware of their differences when it comes to emotional needs. Typically, the man gives what he wants and the woman also gives what she wants. As a result, they both end up being fulfilled and resentful. All the while, they feel that they’re not only giving without receiving but also, their efforts are passing by unacknowledged and unappreciated. They feel confused and they’re blaming each other for being ungiving. But the truth is they’re both giving but not in the desired manner. Below are the different emotional needs of a man and woman and how to give what your partner needs in order to get what you need:

The twelve emotional needs:

Men and women, each, have six primary love needs that are equally important to them. The man needs:

1- Trust,
2- Acceptance,
3- Appreciation,
4- Admiration,
5- Approval,
6- And encouragement.

And the woman, primarily, needs:

1- Care,
2- Understanding,
3- Respect,
4- Devotion,
5- Validation,
6- And reassurance.

Men and women, ultimately, need the twelve kinds of love. However, without their six primarily emotional needs, they’re unfulfilled and unsatisfied.

The thing about those different needs is that they’re reciprocal, for example when a man shows care to his woman, reciprocally she’ll trust him and show him her trust, and when he feels trusted, he’s motivated to care more for her. They both end up fulfilled and satisfied.

1. She Needs Caring and He Needs Trust:

When a man shows interest in his woman’s feeling and concern for her well-being, she feels cared about and her first emotional need is therefore fulfilled. As she feels her man’s care, she instinctively trusts him. She’s sending him a message that she believes in his ability to do his best for her. Her attitude becomes more receptive and open. Automatically, as the man senses her attitude, he feels trusted and is willing to care more.

2. She Needs Understanding and He Needs Acceptance:

When a woman is expressing her feelings to her man, she’s craving the feeling of being understood and heard. This doesn’t mean to already know what she’s thinking, but to gather meaning from what is said and validate her feelings. The more a woman feels understood, the more she’s able to lovingly accept her man. To accept a man doesn’t mean to view him as perfect, but to not try to change and make him improve and trust that he can make his own improvements by himself.

3. She Needs Respect and He Needs Appreciation:
When a woman’s feeling, thoughts, rights, and wishes are acknowledged, she feels respected. A man can also show his respect physically, through presents, flowers as well as remembering anniversaries. When a woman feels respected, it is much easier for her to acknowledge and appreciate her man’s efforts. As the man feels appreciated, he feels like his efforts aren’t wasted and are encouraged to respect more his woman.

4. She Needs Devotion and He Needs Admiration:

A man is devoted to a woman when he makes her number one in his life and lovingly commits to fulfill her needs. A woman as a result thrives, she feels adored and it is easier for her to admire her man.

As a woman primarily needs devotion, a man equally needs to feel admired. This means that his woman is delighted and amazed by his talents and characteristic, be it humor, kindness, romance, strength, understanding and other old-fashioned virtues. When a man feels admired, he feels more secure to devote himself further to his woman.

5. She Needs Validation and He Needs Approval:

When a man accepts the way his woman feels without judging, he’s giving her the message that she has the right to feel the way he does. He’s fulfilling one of her primarily emotional needs, bearing in mind that he can validate her feelings while having a different point of view. In return, when a woman feels validated, it’s easier for her to give her man the approval he needs. Every man wants to be a hero in the eyes of his woman, and her approval is the sign that he passed all the tests. To approve of a man is to look for the goodness in him and to recognize the good reasons behind what he’s doing.

6. She Needs Reassurance and He Needs Encouragement:

When a man, cares, understands, respects validates his woman needs, feelings and thoughts, he’s reassuring her that she’s continually loved. This is a primary love need for a woman to be constantly reassured of her man’s love. A man shouldn’t assume that when he makes his woman feel loved, that she should know from now on she’s loved. He should keep reminding her of his love again and again. Equally, a man needs to be constantly encouraged. An encouraging attitude that a woman shows, is an attitude that expresses her confidence in her man’s abilities. When a woman’s attitude expresses trust acceptance, appreciation, admiration, and approval it encourages a man to give more to his woman and to keep reassuring her of his love.

Without the awareness of the different kinds of love needs, men and women might, not only be unfulfilled but also, they might be hurting each other.

For example, a woman who would love to receive care and devotion might mistakenly think that her man would be openly receptive for her care and she gets confused when he doesn’t appreciate her caring efforts. in fact, a man might feel hurtful when poured with much care, for he prides himself for his accomplishments and abilities and to give him much care would send him the message that I don’t trust you to take care of yourself or me.

Men, learn to listen without getting frustrated:

Communication is so crucial for women, they not only express themselves when they talk, but they also process issues and relieve themselves as they talk. And when a man listens intently to his woman without judging or interrupting to try to fix her, he’s showering her with care, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance.

As a woman feels heard, she feels safe to express herself more and fulfill in return her man’s primary love needs of trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement.

Women, empower your man:

The secret to fulfilling your man’s primary love needs is not to try to change him or improve him, instead address him with a positive attitude that reflects trust, acceptance, appreciation. admiration, approval, and encouragement.

It is normal for a woman to want to give care and advice to someone she loves, however, this might be negatively perceived by the man. Never try to advise your man unless he specifically asks for it. Instead, trust that he can do it his way.

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Men think that when they do something big for their women like buying her a new car or taking her on a vacation, they’re scoring higher than doing the small things, like giving her a hug, complimenting her or buying her a flower. Thus, they’re focusing their energy and time to do one or two big things. Men believe that by doing something small for their partner, they’re scoring one point and by doing something large, they’re scoring 30 points. Unfortunately, women keep score differently, no matter the size of the gift, small or big, the score is always one point for each deed or gift. Without understanding the difference in score keeping, men and women are continually frustrated and overwhelmed in their relationships.

When a man becomes successful and his career demands more of his time and energy, he’ll be eventually giving less and less to his relationship. From the woman’s point of view, her man is giving less, and she now had to take care of more things in their house and lives. She believes she’s doing more than he does and she grows increasingly unhappy and resentful. From the man’s point of view, he’s scoring more because the pay of his work is now much bigger. For him the score is even, he’s satisfied with the new situation except for one thing, his woman isn’t happy so he blames her for needing too much which makes her even angrier.

Women, here’s what you need to learn:

1- In order to continue giving for his woman, a man needs to be appreciated. He needs to know that he’s being useful and that what he’s doing is making a difference. With a little smile or a “thank you”, a woman can let her man know that she appreciates what he’s doing for her and that he has scored a point. It is a great encouragement for a man to know that he’s not taken for granted and that his efforts are being appreciated.

2- A woman needs to accept her man’s tendencies to focus his energy and time on his work more than his relationship, it is not a sign that he doesn’t love her or care for her, but rather understand that he is focused on doing the big things. Through accepting this, she can work, more effectively, on letting her man know how much she appreciates the little things as well. She can help him to give her more by directly requesting things to do for her and encouraging him to do more by giving him the appreciation he needs.

3- Men strive for success because they’re craving to feel loved, they want to feel worthy of the love of their women. By appreciating the little things your man does, you can make him feel loved and his addiction for success will ease off.

- Appreciated or not, women keep giving to their men. They don’t keep score like the men do, they give freely and openly and expect for their men to do the same. After some time, they begin to feel resentful. Because of this resentment, they stop giving their men the love they need and men, on the other hand, will grow resentful as well. The solution for this problem is for women to take responsibility for having contributed to her problems by giving too much and not giving the chance for their men to give as much. A woman, when the score becomes uneven, needs to take a rest and let her man take care of her more.

4- When a woman feels resentful, she tends to reject the support of her man, even though that’s the most thing she’s craving for. She tends to negate the value of his efforts and his score gets as high as a zero. By taking responsibility for her problem, she can stop blaming him, start a new score recording and give him the chance to give her more.

5- Don’t wait until the score is greatly uneven to ask him, but also don’t demand his support. Trust that he wants to support you even if he needs little encouragement.

6- Men give points differently, they care more about feelings than deeds. When you do something for him with a smile, they give you higher points than when you do it without a smile if they gave any points in the latter case at all.

7- Just like the ability of women to give love fluctuates, men’s needs for love fluctuates as well. The more they need their women’s love, the higher the points will be. If for example, a man has made a mistake, it’s then when he needs his woman’s support most. If she doesn’t blame him or disapprove of him and instead accept him and support him, he will then give her more points. If on the other hand, she doesn’t respond y being support at his moments of vulnerability, he might even give her penalty points.

Men, here’s what you need to learn:

1- Your work, be it successful or not, is only scoring one point.

2- The little things you do for your woman scores as much as the big things.

3- By being more understanding for his woman’s resentment, a man can start giving her more without feeling hurt when being rejected or when his efforts aren’t as appreciated as he thinks he needs and deserves. When a man takes his responsibility for contributing to his woman’s resentment by neglecting to do the little things for her, it can much easier for him to understand that he needs to give more before she can be able to give again.

Ways to score points with a woman:

There are many ways to score points with a woman a lot of men know about, but don’t realize how important they are for a woman.

1- Kiss her and hug her before going to work and when getting home.

2- Ask her about her day and listen to her with empathy.

3- Buy her flowers as a surprise as well as on special occasions.

4- Plan a surprise date rather than asking her what she wants to do on a Friday night.

5- Offer to make dinner or help her with a chore when she is tired.

6- If she looks or smells good, tell her.

7- When you’re going to be late, call her and let her know.

8- When she needs to talk to you, offer her an undivided attention, turn off the TV and put down the paper.

9- If she asked you to fix something around the house, fix, don’t postpone it any longer.

10- Hold her hand in public

11- When leaving, ask her if she needs you to pick up something at the store and remember to pick it up.

12- Call her from work and tell her “I love you” or “I miss you”.

13- Share house chores with her and always do your part.

14- Clean your car before a date with her.

15- Offer to give her a massage.

16- Be understanding when she needs extra time to dress up.

17- Take pictures for her on special occasions.

18- Ask for her picture to carry t in your wallet.

19- Write her a note of love on special occasions.

20- Keep the bathroom floor clean and dry after taking a shower.

21- Open the door for her.

22- Offer to carry heavy stuff for her around the house.

23- When on vacation, take responsibility to load and unload the luggage.

24- Compliment her cooking.

25- Offer her a list of “to fix” and “grocery to buy” in the kitchen and do it whenever you can.

26- If she’s tired, offer her some tea.

27- Don’t answer the phone at intimate moments.

Through doing the little things, both the man and woman are to benefit. The woman is more fulfilled and satisfied because she’s getting the care she needs, and the man will feel more effective and powerful.

If anything, working less, for a man, in order to devote more time for his woman, is proven by many who had tried it, to make them even more successful, it’s because their woman became happier with the changes, that they also became much happier and comfortable in their relationships and in their lives. When a man has a balanced relationship, he then will be able to perform better in his work. He’s more confident and more productive.

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If you’re not getting the support you need from your relationship, it’s quite possible that you’re not asking for it enough or maybe you’re asking in a wrong way. While this issue concerns both men and women, it is more difficult for women to ask and get the support they need.

Why is it hard for women to ask for support?

The reason why women find it hard to ask for support is that a woman instinctively offers her support when she loves someone, the more she loves that person, the more motivated she is to give and offer support. A woman instinctively senses the needs of her lover and offers support, she mistakenly expects her man to do the same. For a woman, giving support is a form of showing your love, she may even test a man’s love for her by how much he offers her support.

Unfortunately, things work differently for men. For them, if you want support, you’ll need to ask for it. They don’t offer help unless they’re asked to. This can be confusing for a woman, especially because if she asked him in a wrong way, it’ll turn him off and if she doesn’t ask at all, she’ll get little or none at all.

Where did things go wrong?

At the beginning of a relationship, men are willing to give to their partner, and after some time, they stop giving. The woman, however, continues to give patiently and lovingly, she assumes that her man doesn’t have anything more to give for now, but that, eventually, he’ll catch up. The man, on the other hand, assumes that he gave enough, that the score is even, that’s why his woman continues to give without asking for more. He’s waiting to be asked for support before giving further.

By this time, the woman grew resentful and when she asks her man, the request comes out as a demand. She even resents the fact that she had to ask for his support. Even if the man says yes, she still believes that if she had to ask for it, then it doesn’t count.

Men, don’t respond well to demands and resentment. Demands are a complete turn off for them. If they sense a woman’s demanding tone, they often say no, and even tend to give less for a while.

How to motivate a man: The three-steps asking approach:

The key to getting what you want from your partner is by following these three steps:

(1) Asking correctly for what you're already getting;

(2) Asking for more, even when you know he will say no, and accept his no;

(3) Assertive asking.

Step 1: Asking correctly for what you're already getting:

- Become aware of the little things your man does for you, like fixing things around the house, cleaning, taking out the trash, picking up the kids…

- Start asking him to do these little things that he already does, in a non-demanding tone.

- When asking, be careful not to ask your man something he’s about to do, it’ll make him feel as if you’re telling him what to do.

- Ask directly, instead of saying: “the trash is full, I can’t put anything else in there.”, just say: “Would you empty the trash.”

- Don’t use the word “Could”, instead use “Would”. When you say to your man: “Could you empty the trash?” He may perceive it as an insult. Of course, he can empty the trash, the question isn’t if he can or can’t empty the trash, but will he empty the trash. When a man answers to a “could-you” question with a yes, it doesn’t feel to him like he made a promise, he may, therefore, not do it. But to answer to a “would-you” question with a yes, it does feel like he made you a promise and thus he’ll do it.

- When he does those things, express a lot of appreciation, and let him know that you’re not taking him for granted.

It is important in this step to get your man used to you asking from him with a non-demand tone and with a lot of appreciation afterward. It is important also not to ask for more than what he is used to doing.

Men need a lot of love and acceptance, when you demand from him, all he hears is you telling him that he’s not doing enough. He tends then, to give less. But the more you appreciate him, the more he’ll give for you.

Step 2: Asking for more, even when you know he will say no, and accept his no:

When the man gets used to you asking for support without expecting more. You’re giving him the message that he’s good enough. He feels appreciated and accepted. Then, he’ll start to stretch his abilities more and offer more support. At this point, you can start asking for more.

- It is important at this step to not only ask correctly but also, accept his NO and make him feel loved and accepted even when he says no. if the man felt free to say no or yes to your request without being disapproved of, he will then tend to say yes more frequently.

- Practice asking for support, even when you know for sure that he’ll say no and even for the things you intended to do it yourself because you know that he’ll say no.

- Be prepared for his NO, when he tells you he can’t or “couldn’t you do it”. Have a ready answer like “Okay”, or “No problem”. And act as if it is perfectly okay with you that he said no. That way, you’re making it safe for him to say no to your request without him feeling disapproved of. To feel loved despite saying no to you will be dearly appreciated by the man, and next time you ask him, he’ll tend to say yes as much as he can. Your acceptance and trust are stretching his ability to give more.

Step 3: Assertive asking:

After practicing asking correctly for support and graciously accepting no as an answer, in this step, you’re not accepting his “No”, you don’t just say “Okay” and go by, but you wait for him to say yes, even when he shows signs of resistance.

- When he resists your request, just stand there, stay silent and accept his resistance.

- After you have asked, expect him to moan, groan, scowl, growl, mumble, and grumble. Do not disapprove of his resistance, just go along with it. If he says: “I’m busy, why don’t you do it yourself.” Just say: “I’m busy too. Will you please do it?” then remain silent. His resistance has nothing to do with his willingness to give support, but to the timing of the request. To resist is a sign that the man is focused on something else and that he’s considering the request. If he was unwilling to give support, he will simply and calmly say no. By ignoring his resistance, it’ll go away quickly.

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