It certainly is desirable that human act well instead of badly, make fewer mistakes instead of more. And it’s easy to feel frustrated about others’ behavior, as if worrying about our own wasn’t already a handful. People don’t act the way we would wish them to. This can be unpleasant, but if you consider it as something terrible, then you’re being irrational about it.
To think that people absolutely must be better than they are right now and that it’s terrible if they didn’t act the way you want them to is an idiotic idea for many reasons:
1- There’s absolutely no reason why people should act better than they do. It’s simply you telling yourself that you don’t like the way people act, thus they should act better.
2- When people act badly and mean to you, it often does not affect you unless you allow it to because of your low frustration tolerance and mainly because you continue telling yourself how awful it is for them to act this way and how they must act better.
3- If you assume that people’s behavior harms you, upsetting yourself would hardly help. On the contrary, when you focus your energy on upsetting yourself, you’ll be less able to see things rationally and do something about them. Moreover, if you criticize people in your state of rage, they’re less likely to respond to you the way you wish them to. If anything, they’ll insist more on acting the way they do.
4- Although you can control your behavior and you have a considerable power to change it, you have none when it comes to people’s behavior no matter how wisely you might approach them. Instead of taking your responsibility for how you respond to them, you’re upsetting yourself over an uncontrollable event.
5- There’s no proper way for people to behave, for there are no standards in the universe upon which a certain behavior is judged “right” or “wrong”. Even if a behavior was accepted as decent by some people, some others will invariably see a justified reason why to view it as faulty. Take for example being kind to others, some people might choose not to be kind at times if that means that they’ll be telling the truth.
6- No one can be perfect. I bet you know that, but do you really believe it, better yet, do you really act like you believe it?
People might be wrong, dead wrong sometimes, but why shouldn’t they be wrong? You can say that they preferably shouldn’t act wrong, but why must they not do so? And by believing that they should act differently aren’t you thinking that they should act in your way, instead of their own?
People who are wrong, as you see it, aren’t realizing how wrong they are at the moment, later perhaps they might realize their misdeed and try to change it. still, they’re independent people who would like to learn on their own, what is better than mistakes to teach you what you need to learn? To point out their mistakes might not appeal to them and thus you’ll be rejected and told to mind your own business, still, it’s their right not to listen to you. How else would they enjoy their lives if they only followed your rules?
Here are some ways to help you accept and cope better with others’ behavior:
1- When people act badly, ask yourself: “Do I have to upset myself about this?”, “Does their actions really affect me?”, “If I put in much effort and time to try to change them, is it likely that they change?”, “Do you really want to spend considerable time trying to change them? Is it really worth it? Do you have that much of time to do this?” unless your answer is yes to all these questions, you’d better stop obsessing about others’ behavior and only offer them when asked a moderate advice or help.
2- If you’ll ever advise someone against their behavior, you’ll have to do it with an accepting attitude. Try to see things from his position rather than from your own, and firmly reject their bad behavior, but don’t reject them.
3- When someone acts nastily toward you, try not to enrage yourself about it and instead act kindly with them, it’s not easy, but it’s definitely way more rewarding then rejecting and criticizing them. That way you’ll be able to set a good example for them, and soon enough they’ll be treating you much better. Furthermore, by accepting the way people act and try to respond kindly, you upset yourself way less than when you think to yourself “how awful it is for them to act the way they do”.